Your Short, Sad Life
by Siarc
Summary: Under those circumstances, I'd been shockingly nice.


**Drabble. Fem!Kisame, and therefore could be considered OOC. Was NOT proofread, so mistakes likely.  
**

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We grow in this world to believe that change is somehow wrong. When we differ from how we usually act, we're smeared with the words "you have changed."

But what's wrong with change?

You're looking at a girl that's changed a huge amount from before.

I'm not technical with my words anymore. I freed myself from the restraints I placed on _myself_, freed myself from the lie that was my life.

Ah, lies. Liars. I want all of them dead, in a way. I want to draw my blade across their throats, make them bleed out so they can look back on their last moments and say "well, was that bullshit really worth it?"

But I guess that'd mean I'd have to slit my own throat too. Nah, not ready for that yet. We don't work hard just in hopes to die.

Well, I thought that that was the norm. We work to live. But one night I happened to bump shoulders with a man who thought the exact opposite.

He was a lot like you, you know. A deary, concentrated look on his face. As though he walked in a completely different plane than the rest of us.

Change? He said. Yes, change. Ever decided to change yourself? Smile a little?

Why would I want to change, he told me (told, not asked) in a very flat voice. Flat as a countertop flat, not even kidding. I have work to do, he says. If I change now, it will only be for the worse, and nobody would appreciate that.

But what is there to even appreciate in a killer? A killer who knows he's a liar and is perfectly fine with it, lives just to die. Avoids the blades of swords, doesn't even stop to take a happy breath. Never laughs.

How do you handle someone who is the perfect incarnation of a lie? And then you're told that yes, you're going to spend a few years by this countertop of a man's side.

So I did all this changing for what, to get stuck contemplating the usefulness of lies and deceit in the face of the man that practically created those words.

Well congratulations girl, you did it. Partnered up with the world's number one enemy, the guy who has no problem killing his family (except of course the younger brother, no, he doesn't count at all somehow. Don't people realize that's a bit weird? A little? Maybe it's just me then) and has no emotions beyond the occasional glare (which are pretty funny looking, because he looks a lot more feminine than he realizes. Oh, so scary, those long _eyelashes_).

Don't take me for a fool now, don't gimme that look. I'm not an idiot, even though people have it in their head that I'm a bitch full of muscle, and somehow that allows me to have no functioning brain in my skull.

Itachi's a dangerous son-of-a-bitch. Why do you think I pointed out how his eyelashes look?

I look at those, not his eyes. I'm a girl who looks people in the eyes without fear, but I know so much better than that with him.

Ensnare me in a living lie, he could. So easily. It'd almost be funny if it wasn't kind of sad.

And that's the only reason I've got respect for him after this time. Hell, you could even say we're friends.

If you give us a look, holy hell, we're one crazy pair.

You've got this big blue chick packing heavily in the muscles and shitty looks department, with that big ol' sword on her back, then you look next to her and here's this average powered guy who's resemblance to a woman is amazing, but if you look at those pretty eyes you'll forever get locked in your own mind. Like a little prison.

Just thinking about it dulls me a little. I mean, considering the circumstances, I've been _shockingly_ nice to the guy. I've only ever threatened him… once.

He hates to fight, tells me off when I want to play games with enemies. It's ridiculous, and then when I want to spar he dismisses it and returns to his usual no-words-no-emotions style.

He's a countertop, and somehow I respect the guy, even though he's honestly pretty insensitive and a prick sometimes. But I have respect, considering how powerful he is and he's like, what, eleven years junior to me?

Oh god, I'm getting old.

I don't mean to ramble, I guess it's the drink getting to me.

Anyways, I got hard on his case the last time I saw him. He's dead, you know. And that countertop of a guy planned it, and if he thinks I didn't see through him and his lies he'd be dead wrong. No pun intended.

Why not live on, I tried to tell him. Why not at least try to change. You could live, even do more for the kid instead of utterly destroying any cognitive functions he has remaining that aren't corrupted with your little game of hate and revenge.

And then he got this look on his face. It was a little odd, coming from him.

That countertop cracked, and he smiled, very slightly. And that was the first time I ever looked at his eyes. I couldn't read them, just these red pools of… yeah.

He tells me, it's too late. Who am I now, just a man woven from lies. Death will give me release, and give Sasuke closure.

I coulda hit him then, I coulda. But I didn't wanna move, like that smile of his frightened me more than anything I've ever experienced. It wasn't even creepy, it was _so genuine_.

And I still remember what he told me the first time I met him (after I threatened him). About how right before we die, we realize what kind of person we are. I wonder what kind of person he was in the end.

I really hope he didn't look at himself and was happy. Really, honestly. He was a good companion, a friend, but he was a really fucked up dude.

But I'm probably a really fucked up chick, so maybe I'll just let it go after a while and wait and see what kind of person I'll turn out to be.

I'll just say goodbye, my only friend. Because I didn't before. But really now, some friend he was.

Well here we are again, back to the whole change subject.

What I'm worried about is if in my final moments before death grabs me and chucks me to Hell, will I realize there was more changing I had to do?

Nah, I'm not nice, but I can't really change that. In short, I'd be a boring person without it.

I've abandoned living a life as somebody else's slave, I pulled myself up out of that lie.

I'm a changed girl! I turned myself from a monster who didn't even know the meaning behind her own words into… a bitch that bites. That's a huge dull-down, might I add.

Oh, thanks. I probably shouldn't drink this much, but I get to go confront someone I'd rather not tomorrow. Not really scary, but powerful. It's always good to have a drink before you go into a place you may not come out of.

But anyways, I'm worried that once my short, sad life is all wrapped up and I look back at myself, I'll realize something I missed. Something that I can't change, because I'm on death's door.

I wonder what I'll be, and why it takes death to see it. Life is like a videogame. You die right before you reach the goal cause that one monster jumped right in your way, and you die knowing what you could have had but will never get a chance to grab it again. Well, in videogames you do get more lives, but… I think you get it.

I think I'll miss him. When he was around he seemed to suck up all the sadness. And I'm not one to lie to myself anymore.

Okay, no lies.

I'll miss him a little, but he'll probably be replaced soon anyways.

So until then, I'll make some nice disasters in his honor. Yeah, he wouldn't appreciate it, but people need to know when they're missed.

And that I didn't want him gone, no matter how I acted.


End file.
